When you are planning on having kids you likely go and pick the brain of everyone you know that has kids.
The only thing is that they are likely to keep a few things from you. Those secrets of motherhood that they left you to discover on your own.
If your friends and family didn’t tell you these, don’t be too mad, they just didn’t want to scare you off the idea of kids.
Secrets of MOTHERHOOD
1Your Kids Won’t be the Same
It may either be obvious or downright confusing to you.
Yes, you will raise all your kids, yes you will even raise them all the same way (with slight improvements and adjustments as you learn).
It does not mean the behavior, temperament, habits, attitude – you name it – of kids no 2, and no 3 will be better than kid 1.
Your first and third babies were textbook angels. They slept through the night at eight weeks; they always mind their manners; clean their room, and eat all their food. (I know what you’re thinking, but we’re going for hyperbole here as an example).
Now there’s the number two. Still doesn’t sleep through the night. Hasn’t consumed anything but a chocolate chip cookie and mac and cheese in the past three months. Doesn’t listen to anything you have to say.
You would think you technique will improve with the number of kids you have. Wrong. Mother’s nature always throws in some random genes to mix things up and make you feel like you are starting from square one. Screw you mother nature.
2Marriage Gets Much Harder…and Better
If you are having trouble in your marriage, having kids will not fix it (and trust me many people will still use it as a quick fix).
It won’t make it better; it won’t bring you closer, and it won’t cement your lives together.
Having kids in a good marriage is hard enough, and I mean hard.
Nothing kills the romance like a baby waking up screaming every time you’re both about to climax.
It’s also hard to get in the mood when you’re both so tired. You end up pouring orange juice in your coffer instead of creamer and your cereal bowl is filled with who knows what instead of cereal.
Most nights both of you will just want to go to bed with the kids instead of trying to romance each other.
3It’s Not All Sunshine and Roses
Sometimes being a parent is just plain hard and it sucks.
You will, at some point in your parenting days, lock yourself in the bathroom and just scream and cry. You will find ways to hide from your children, and you will eat yourself alive with guilt at all the ways you are just screwing up your kids.
You will spend hours agonizing over yelling at them or punishing them when they didn’t deserve it. You will hate never having a moment just to stop and think because they are constantly near you asking questions.
Good news is your kids are resilient.
That moment you beat yourself up over for the next three hours, they forgot in ten minutes and loved you all over again.
They love you unconditionally, and they forgive you much MUCH easier than you forgive yourself.
4The Pediatrician Will Think You’re Overreacting
Kids are assholes.
No, hear me out because they are.
They act on like they are on death’s door with illness or in extreme pain. They make you call the doctor and get the soonest appointment available. (What little Susan has the flu? Well she can wait my kid is DYING!).
Your hysteria over the phone makes it so much more fun when you get to the doctor and all your kid is doing is bouncing off the walls playing. They’re asking for ice cream and a big lunch because they’re starving (literally, five minutes ago you were throwing up and saying you’ll never eat again).
They’re in high spirits and up for anything (come on, tears were streaming down your face, you demanded ice for your bruised knee, and you swore you couldn’t walk!).
All kids do this. No one knows why, and there’s no reason, except they are assholes. Pint-sized assholes that want to make sure the pediatrician will always doubt you when you tell them your kid is sick this time. Oh, the joys of motherhood.
5We’re All Screwed
Any mom that says she has it all figured out is LYING.
Anyone that tells you they have perfect, brilliant angels that sleep through the night and do everything you want your child to do (and they do it better) is LYING.
No one knows what the hell they are doing. The second we almost think we have it figured out, kid number two comes along (remember kid 2?) and shows us how wrong we were.
Every parent everywhere is just winging it, learning as they go and then re-learning as the next child comes. So if you’re struggling and feel like you’ll never get it, you’re right but… at least, you are not alone.
Tell those obsessive Pinterest moms with all their cute baking and cute crafts in a completely clean house that you’re onto them. They have no clue either.
Nobody masters motherhood on the first, second or third try.
It’s like art. Or wine making. You have to age into it to get the right bouquet. Sure, other mothers may know more than you do, but does it really mean they understand motherhood down to a tee? Nah.
Motherhood has its own surprises and each surprise may be as unique as the last surprise you got. They may be positive or negative surprises but that’s what motherhood is about. Figuring out what you’re gonna do next without a map or an instruction manual.
There is no such thing as a perfect mom according to a societal standard. The only perfection motherhood will give you is through the eyes of your children. Their view of what kind of a mother you are is more than enough confirmation than an a bestselling book about how to be a mom. You know your kids better and there’s no other person who can mother them as perfectly as you can.
Any motherhood secrets we missed out? Leave a comment below!