Kids do say the darnedest things.
Often they’d leave you wondering where they’d learned to say the funniest things.
Well, we can hardly ever complain because most of their one-liners have us – if not rolling on the floor laughing – tearing up in fits of laughter.
Parents (and non-parents), we bring you an epic collection of a hilarious Tweets about kids.
Dinner is a BALL of fun with them…
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it's 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 3, 2016
And every daughter wants to be a Daddy’s Girl…
Me to baby: Say Dada!
Husband: You don't want her first word to be Mama?
Me: Hell no! The other 2 won't leave me alone. This one's yours.
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) March 24, 2015
Playing pretend with mommy is fun, especially if they get to choose the character…
4: Mommy, you're just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend.
Me: Aww! Sure!
4:You can be the Beast.
4: Or the fat sea witch!
— Marl (@Marlebean) April 17, 2014
They have a totally different perspective from adults…
You’d be in the know of the latest movies…
Don't ask me if I've seen a new movie.
I have four little girls.
If there wasn't a singing princess in it, the answer is no.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 11, 2016
Sometimes they see to know more than they ought to…
When my husband gave lollipops to the kids, the 3yo looked sad, “Poor Mommy got nothing to suck.”
*awkward silence and no eye contact*
— Befrazzled (@4boding) February 14, 2013
But sometimes they need to be reminded of what they ought to know…
Daughter: You're invading my personal space
Mom: You came out of my personal space
— Moe (@_Mo_lee_) January 8, 2016
Teaching them manners is a must…
So is teaching them to be independent…
I let my toddler dress herself.
She's wearing a cupcake. pic.twitter.com/u6Mn5NTve7
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2016
A lot of times they make you realize things…
3yo: Daddy, carry me when there’s lotsa people?
Husb: Think you might get squashed, buddy?
3yo: No. Some people smell bad where my nose is.
— Befrazzled (@4boding) February 17, 2013
And sometimes they scare the sh*t outta you…
There are times that they catch you off guard and you’re speechless…
4yo: Dad, can you spell oreo?
4yo: Good, put it on the grocery list please.
— Erick Erickson (@EWErickson) January 14, 2013
Actually, there are a lot of times…
I cut the crust off my daughter's PB&J and I swear to god I heard her whisper that I'm her bitch now.
— The Dad (@thedad) December 29, 2015
They try hard to be of help…
[5:45 AM, in a harsh whisper]
Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep. I'm making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the oven?
Me: I'm up.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 21, 2015
And they expect us to appreciate their efforts…
Mom: *tastefully decorates house*
Kid: HERE ARE 20 MILK CARTONS I TAPED TOGETHER TO MAKE A SNOWMAN I EXPECT THIS TO BE PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED
— Goats? (@Gooooats) November 14, 2015
They will miss us when we get older…
4yo: "Dad's gonna be 50 tomorrow, right?"
4yo: "He gets to go to the old man club! Who will make my chocolate milk?"
— Jerilyn Hassell Pool (@AuntMarvel) February 2, 2013
And I mean “VERY” old…
Me: Dinos lived long before there were humans. 3yo: But you were there, right, daddy? #feelingveryold
— Patriek van Dorp (@pvandorp) February 2, 2013
Listen to what they say…
4yo: Mama, can you take your boobie protector thingie off so I can put lotion on your whoooooole back?
— Ann (@writerPT) July 8, 2013
They say the darnedest things…
Me: Why are you taking so long to get changed?
4yo: Because I'm four.
— Leesie (@easyleesie) April 30, 2013
Some really shi**y things…
6 year old: "I'm Superman! I'm flying…hang on, I need to go potty."
4yo: "Is it super poop?"
6yo: "No, just regular."
— Scott Hanselman (@shanselman) November 19, 2012
Hudson(3yo): "It's good to be home! I have to poop!" #overheardathome
— Josh Bush (@digitalBush) December 2, 2012
But they also say the sweetest thing…
Random thought from Allie (3yo): "Mom, when you need someone to talk to, just talk to me."
— Kelly Levatino (@KellyLevatino) January 15, 2013
Just asked the kids what they are thankful for. 4yo: "For you, Mommy." #hpthankfulkids
— Myra Wright (@MyraGWright) November 20, 2012
3yo: "Mom, I love you."
Me: "I love you, too!"
3yo: "And I have poo in my diaper."
— Jerilyn Hassell Pool (@AuntMarvel) March 6, 2012
Do you have something from your own little ones to contribute?
Leave a comment below!