Many people say marriage is the end of a life of freedom and the beginning of a life where you have to consider the other person all the time. Some people say it’s the beginning of a happy life as one. Then, some people regret getting married.
Marriage is supposed to be a great chapter of a person’s life because you get to spend it with the person you love the most. For most couples, that’s the case and it’s clearly shown in their tweets!
Check out the best and funniest marriage tweets of 2016!
Wife: It’s like every man on earth has to share one brain
Me: [can’t think of a good comeback because it’s not my turn to use the brain]
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 6, 2016
I have no other reaction to this marriage tweet except laughter. It’s true. Most women think all men share one brain while women have more than a brain each which is probably we why we tend to overthink everything!
2She’s Got the Looks
My wife is so much better looking than me that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
— Charles Demers (@charliedemers) January 16, 2016
Such a rude cashier! Did they not look like a couple? She probably didn’t mean to do that so kudos to this guy for playing it cool and finding humor in it! Marriage clearly isn’t about looks!
*watching husband sleep*
Me: “I just love him so much, he’s my everyth-”
Me: “I can’t live like this.”
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016
Well, things changed for her quickly! And no wonder men think women are moody and unpredictable. What they don’t understand is the cause most of the unpredictability.
Wife: We need milk, eggs, and bread. Write it down.
Me: No need. I’ll remember.
[an hour later]
Wife: What did you buy?
Me: A panda.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 6, 2016
Never send a man to do a woman’s job. On their defense, never send a woman to buy something from the hardware store if you don’t want to end up owning another puppy!
5Nighttime Bedroom Talk
My wife is finally coming home from her week long trip, so you know what I’m getting tonight… yelled at. I’m gonna get yelled at.
— eric (@ericsshadow) June 3, 2016
I hope he doesn’t get an extra string of yelling bout after his wife sees this. Maybe it’s a different kind of yelling? Let’s hope it’s the sexy kind for his sake! :)
6Saved by the Daughter
5-year-old: *dressed as Elsa* Zap! You’re frozen.
Me: I don’t have time to play right now
Wife: Take out the trash
Me: Can’t. I’m frozen.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2016
This is the very reason why the movie took the daddy world like a storm. It’s the perfect excuse! Thank God for daughters crazy over Frozen!
The Mrs and I have been married so long she can finish my sentences.
She also starts most of them and supplies the middle parts too.
— My Meh Runneth Over (@TheAlexNevil) April 12, 2016
Think of it this way, if you’re the type who hates giving public speeches, you can count on your wife to do that for you! Most definitely, she’s the spokesperson of the house. She knows exactly what you’d want to say.
WIFE: you forgot to run the dishwasher again, didn’t you?
ME: [drinking milk from a flower vase] no, why?
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 16, 2016
How hard can it be to remember, right? Come on, guys. You can do that at least! LOL
WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuff
WIFE: What the hell?
[dog walks by in a tuxedo]
ME: He’s getting married, Karen
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 17, 2016
He’s the father his dog never had. Shut up and let him buy his engaged dog a tux if he wants to! XD
10Choose Your Words Wisely
Wife: Someone invented a laundry folding machine
Me: I already have one of those. It’s called a w-
Wife: *death glare*
Me: It’s called me
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2016
Choose your words wisely, husband, if you don’t want them to be your last! A woman scorned in marriage is dangerous!
Wife: You pick dinner.
Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
Wife: It’s up to you.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2016
This is my parents. Every. Single. Time. I usually know where I want to eat and if I don’t I go along whatever my guy wants. yes, I’m not a complicated female when it comes to food.
Husband: I love you.
Me: *eating a potato chip really loudly* You should. I’m a goddamn miracle.
— Flannery (@imdaintyaf) September 12, 2016
For sure, she knows she deserves to be loved. #SelfRespect dude! You got yourself a keeper! Isn’t marriage enlightening? ;)
13Cheetos is Life
*pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower*
me: Are we – stop screaming, it’s just me- are we out of Cheetos?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) February 24, 2016
Cheetos is life! I would do this to my husband, too. Then again, if I’m the wife, I’ll make sure we’re never out of Cheetos – the flaming and jalapeno kinds.
14She Knows Everything
Wife: Where are you
Me: The store
W: Don’t lie to me
W: I saw the internet history
M: *hangs up* pic.twitter.com/CbhMqKVGkq
— Hip Dad Online (@hardlyrelevant) May 25, 2016
There’s no hiding things from your wife. Whatever it is you’re hiding, she’ll find out eventually. Marriage is like a power up on a woman’s instincts!
15Gotta Catch ‘Em All
Me: *wins a Pokemon battle* This is my greatest accomplishment.
Wife: Uh, you have four kids.
Me: You’re right. I should tell them I won.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 12, 2016
This is what happens to you marriage when your partner gets sucked into the warped world of Pokemon Go. It’d be cool if you don’t have children and you’re both into it!
Wife: Did you give the kids a bath?
Wife: Did you give them a bath TODAY?
Damn. She knows about that loophole.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 30, 2016
Oh my god. This couple’s banter is marriage at it’s finest! I cannot help but laugh at this guy’s marriage tweets!
Wife: can you pick up milk?
Me: [lifts gallon] yea it’s easy
Wife: I mean from the store
Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too
— Bear Knee Sanders (@LeBearGirdle) October 22, 2016
You know you’re well into your marriage when your husband’s smart mouthery does not piss you off anymore. Instead, it makes you question your decision of saying ‘I do’.
18Marriage Banter 101
Me: College cost me a lot, but at least I use my degree.
Wife: You’re an English major, but all you write are tweets.
Me: In English.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2016
This is what marriage will sound like if two intelligent people end up with each other. Arguments will never be dull and will always end with a smart ass rebuttal.
So, has marriage been like this for you?
Friendly banters like this is totally normal. Some experts would even say it shows how healthy your married life is. You and your partner clearly have the sense of humor to make your relationship fun yet sensible, serious yet flared.
It shows how comfortable you are with each other to voice out your sarcasm, find the funny side out of it and not get offended. Of course, this gives out an image of understanding between the two of you.
So, keep those funny marriage tweets. The social media world is digging it and we can’t complain because we’re loving it!
Did you get a good laugh? We did, too! Let us know your favorite marriage tweet in a comment below!