‘Mean Girls’ the movie was a fiction too close to home.
Though we wish otherwise, everything depicted in that movie is accurate and very present in the school hallways.
There is always a status quo that teenagers think they have to live by to steer clear from the path these mean girls walk.
You are either popular by being one of the mean girls or you’re a wallflower.
In a lot of cartoons, bullies are played by boys. You’d be surprised how vicious and cruel girl bullies can be. Boys may be better pranksters, but girls destroy other girls by words and words cut very deep.
What can we do as moms to help get rid of this tyrannical behavior milling about in a supposedly “safe place” we call the school?
We raise kind girls.
Of course, you do expect your daughter to be one of the kind girls but here’s a reality check mom: you don’t know what goes behind their closed bedroom door.
Few Tips How to Raise Kind Girls
1. Be the RIGHT Role Model
You may not believe it, but it is 100% true the young ones COPY what the old ones do.
If you’re starting to see symptoms of your daughter morphing into a mean girl, ask yourself this question, “Am I the RIGHT role model?”
It doesn’t matter what good values you teach your daughter. If you act in contrast to what you’re teaching her, she’ll never buy it.
First and foremost, you are her mom before her friend. You’re being a great friend to her comes second to your being a great parent.
2. Teach them GOSSIP is TOXIC
Gossip is the root of all drama in school. Someone said something about someone and then it spreads like wildfire. Next thing you know, a desperate student has taken his/her life.
Gossip is toxic.
As parents, we need to instill in our children’s minds that talking bad about a person behind their back works hand in hand with karma even you don’t completely believe it.
It’s a cycle. You speak of someone, and they take revenge by talking bad about you, and it goes back and forth until one breaks.
But just like I’ve stressed on the first point, be the RIGHT role model. If your daughter sees you or hears you gossiping with another mom about how a working mom is more interested in her career than her kid’s stage play, she would think it’s okay.
You are a hero in your daughter’s eyes. Live by it.
3. Teach her to be an ‘INCLUDER’
Being an ‘includer’ means you don’t choose your crowd based on race, popularity or looks. You accept anyone and everyone into your group. You don’t care whether this person is quiet, a jock, a brainiac or even the school bully.
The ‘includer’ becomes an ‘influencer’ instead of an ‘influencee’.
Now it takes a lot of character building to be an ‘includer’. Usually, an ‘includer’ would have to feel rejection before she can be open to including unusual people into her crowd.
An ‘includer’ does not have a particular genre when it comes to cliques but is friends with every kind of kid in school.
Of course, you have to teach your daughter to be wary of others and be very observant. We don’t want our daughters to get mixed up in illegal things but be open to the fact that our girls might bring about a change into those who are involved in substances.
4. Teach her the meaning of RESPECT
It’s not only our daughters that have to learn respect. Even our boys do.
Teaching your daughter a different perspective of respect is nothing short of a parent’s job. Teach her to respect the individuality of a person.
This is one of the main reasons why mean girls exist. They do not like the identity of a person because it does not conform to the standards they have placed on the social food chain. Thus, leading to a series of verbal abuse and self-esteem destruction.
If every girl in school accept another girl for who she is and be okay with it, there will be less drama in the world. But that is not the case.
Sadly, a lot of girls do not know what respect is because they do not see it in the home.
5. Be her friend
Sometimes all our daughters need is to find a friend in us. If you are hard to talk to, they will run to another person who would listen to them and just be a friend. We don’t know if the person they run to is either a right or wrong influence.
Be a person she’d be comfortable sharing her secrets with. No judgment. Just pure open-mindedness. Once you’ve listened, then you can parent.
I know I said you are her mom first before her friend. Understand, great moms, listen before guiding. You have to guide her along the way but let her figure things out on her own.
6. Teach her to LOVE herself
I have had my fair share of mean girls encounter. I’ve always been a chubby girl and being huggable didn’t make school life easy. I’ve been teased, laughed at and picked at. Pretty soon, I learned to fight back with my fists and then with words that cut deep.
I was becoming a mean girl in a way because I hated the way I looked. All my friends were skinny and the thought that they also think I’m the least beautiful in our group started to eat me from the inside.
It’s only now that I’m an adult do I realize life in school would have been easier if I learned to love myself despite the flabs and chubby cheeks. If I did, I would be looking at myself right now a lot different and would have more self-esteem.
Don’t think wrongly of my parents for not teaching me how to love myself. This all happened in the climax of divorce, and everyone was trying to cope in their ways.
Now I realize that insecurity is what births mean girls. It sparks rumors just because girls think some other girl has nicer hair, bigger boobs, flatter stomach or longer legs. The image of beauty has been so warped it creates envy, jealousy, and insecurities.
Teach your daughter to love herself. Love her for who she is as well.
My family has made jokes about my weight when I was younger, and they don’t realize what impact that has made on my confidence. I know they love me dearly, but it only shows how anyone can wound you with words simply because they were unaware.
Be aware of what you say about your daughter’s inner and outer appearance. There’s no manual or book for dummies you can buy but put yourself in her shoes and ask, “What would I feel if I was told this?”
Self-image changes a woman. It can turn the nicest ones to be the most vicious in a matter of a word.
Teaching our daughters tactfulness, honesty and acceptance is a sure way to bring up kind girls.
If she respects others’ individuality, loves herself and becomes an ‘includer’, you’ve done your job well.
Moms, I cannot stress enough how important your role is in the mean girls society. What they see in us is what makes or breaks their choice of persona in school. Don’t make excuses like, “Oh; that was just misunderstood,” or “Let the girls handle it,” or “Girls will be girls.” Those are lame excuses and shows a lot on what kind of parents we are.
Let’s all do our part. Our words are powerful in our daughters’ ears. Let’s use them wisely.
Let’s raise kind girls. No more mean girls.
And if you’re curious, I do love myself. After meeting my stepdad, the way I see myself changed. He taught me how to love myself and helped me understand that I may not have a body like beautiful girls have, but my intelligence, skills, and personality defines my beauty. Still, I wish I learned to sooner but this is what inspires me to teach my girls that kindness goes a long way.
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