Pregnancy Guide For Beginners

So, you’re pregnant. Woo-Hoo!

You might be thinking to yourself, “how did this happen?”

Oh, you know how it happened. So, now what do you do? What comes in between the making of the baby and the very tiring birthing of the baby?

You’ll feel overwhelmed.

There will be moments where you want them just to get the baby out of you…. and moments where you forget your name (that’s called pregnancy brain)! But it’s an incredible experience to go through especially if you have a good understanding of what will happen with your body.

But it’s an enjoyable experience to go through especially if you have a good understanding of what will happen with your body.


1. Pregnancy Month One

This is where the magic happens; you probably won’t even know that you’re pregnant.

But eventually you will, when you miss that first period. And while you’ll be very thrilled not to have to deal with a period of nine months, you’ll also have to deal with some other things that aren’t nearly all that thrilling.

For that first month, you’ll experience some very stereotypical pregnancy symptoms (at least most women do). You’ll be nauseous, and you might even vomit. Unfortunately, this isn’t just a morning thing. For some people, they’ll get the “morning sickness” middle of the day or late at night. And some people, who are very unlucky, get “morning sickness” all day long (remember Kate Middleton hitting the headlines because of her “morning” sickness that had her hospitalized?).

Some other things you’ll experience are exhaustion and fatigue. You’ll want to take a nap. And you’ll rightly deserve one, and you’re making a person after all. So nap it up. Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t deserving of a nap. You’ll also have to pee all the damn time. At the end of your pregnancy, you’ll feel as if you must have peed enough to get the Guinness World Record for peeing.

And what is your baby doing while you’re busy peeing and vomiting all over the place, you’re baby growing and starting to develop. But ever so slowly. It takes seven to 10 days for your baby to implant herself in your uterus. And that’s where all the growing begins.

By the end of that first month, your baby will be approximately two millimeters long.

2. Pregnancy Month Two

So, It’s official, your boobs probably hurt, your belly is getting bigger, and you feel yucky all day, but no one else probably notices that your pregnant. What do you do between now and when everyone wants to feel you up? You’re going to need to eat. You’ll need to eat a lot of stuff to make sure that your baby grows properly and healthy.

So what kind of food should you be eating? You should eat pasteurized dairy products like milk, cheese, ice cream, and yogurts. But be careful there are a few different kinds of cheese you can’t eat brie, blue cheese, queso blanco, queso fresco, and Camembert just to name a few (any containing bacteria that can be harmful to the baby).

So, that means when you inevitably get a hankering for buffalo wings, you’ll have to go with the lesser of the dipping sauces and use ranch dressing. There are whole lists of things that you shouldn’t be eating so it might be a good idea to pick up a book or two about what you should eat.

Some other things you should be eating:

  • Fruits and Vegetables
  • Whole Grains
  • Beans and Legumes
  • Nuts
  • Lots of Water
  • Protein rich foods like Meat and Eggs

3. Pregnancy Month Three

Well, most likely you’ve either told everyone or are about to tell everyone about your awesome baby having abilities. So what do you do now you wait while your pelvis shifts? Yeah, that’s right a whole part of your body is just going to shift how it is aligned. You’ll also be privy to even more frequent urination.

I know, we all thought there was no way we could pee anymore than we did the last two months, but here you go, it’s the pee-lympics, and you’re the gold medalist.

And something just a bit annoying will be nose bleeds. Apparently, everything in your body requires more blood, and you’re going to get much more blood pumping and the side effect of that are nose bleeds.

Your baby has a face, isn’t that awesome. This is the third month of the beginning of his life, and the baby is about 3.5 inches long and should weigh a little less than an ounce. All the key organs are developing. The brain is visible and if you’re lucky you can find out if you’re having a boy or a girl.

4. Pregnancy Month Four

You’ve made it to the nearly half way point, so by now you should have that pregnancy glow. Plus if you ride the bus or train, your belly should be starting to show, so you should be able to weasel your way into a seat even during rush hour.

But unfortunately it isn’t all free seats and glowing skin, you’ll likely have some heartburn and a steady weight gain.

And while gaining weight isn’t fun it’s important for you to gain weight at a healthy tick for a while because that means your baby is developing well.

So what is going on with that baby of yours? He or she will have hair and teeth so they can get ready for that closeup during that month. They’ll also have an entire digestive system. This is when you can start fantasizing about brushing your little one’s hair.

5. Pregnancy Month Five

Now is the time where everything starts to get real. This is the month where you’ll know whether you’re having a boy or a girl. And your boobies will start producing a weird yellowish fluid. That fluid is more commonly known as colostrum; It’s preparing your breasts for feeding.

The one most, “What the shit was that” moments will happen this month when you’re able to feel your little one moving about in that ever expanding stomach of yours. And because you’ve become a baby factory, you’ll be “blessed” with varicose veins, constipation, back pain, and hemorrhoids (yes your butt is trying to fall out), and skin changes (lightening or darkening).

6. Pregnancy Month Six

Now for the fun of the sixth month of pregnancy, you’ll develop some fun signs including things like blotchy skin, bladder infections, bleeding gums and breast leakage.

Why are your gums bleeding? They’re bleeding because the amount of blood in your body is double what your usual amount is, this means you’ll have a lot of swelling in the tissues of your blood vessels.

You might also have bladder infections because your progesterone hormones will be making your bladder relaxed and will increase the possibility of developing UTIs, kidney infections, and other infections.

And what’s going on with little miss or mister, your baby should have well defined facial features and while it’s skin is still transparent, thin, and wrinkled, it’s growing fat, and the skin is going to get thicker and smoother.

7. Pregnancy Month Seven

W00T! W00T! You’ve entered the last trimester of pregnancy.

Just three more months til you give birth of that little one. From now on in, expect to be increasingly uncomfortable.

Your baby is growing faster and faster, which means you’re growing faster and faster. This is also the best time to start discussing what your birth plan might be. And you get to enjoy the great fun of women all around the world and drink some nasty glucose fluid to get tested for gestational diabetes.

Your baby should be able to hear now, and he or she should start responding to stimuli, either changing position due to sounds, light, or pain. Your baby’s taste buds should start developing, and your baby will be able to experience different tastes from the foods you eat. The baby should also look like a new born and be sprouting some healthier lungs, enough so that she could survive outside the womb.

8. Pregnancy Month Eight

Right now you are closer than ever to meeting your baby.

At eight months pregnant you’ll have difficulties breathing, Braxton Hicks contractions, a leaking bladder, constipation, heartburn, and indigestion. So what are Braxton Hicks contractions? They’re similar to the ones that you have when you go into labor so you’ll probably think that you might be but it’s best to contact your Ob/Gyn to make sure.

9. Pregnancy Month Nine

By now you should look like you swallowed a basketball or two. Your belly will be out there, and there should be no mistaking that you’re pregnant. I still don’t understand how anyone can ever just have a baby and say they didn’t know they were pregnant. You’ll still have hemorrhoids or just getting them, but the bay should have moved down enough that you can breathe again.

And pretty soon that baby will pop right out of you. And yes we mean that little hole, so good luck with that.

Or maybe you’ll have a c-section which means you’ll get cut right open. So be watchful for the birth plan, make sure that your spouse is ready for the very graphic way that a baby is going to come out of your body. And don’t forget to get your push present.

Pregnancy Essentials

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