Being a single parent is hard, especially when you’re used to having a partner to help.
The legal aspects of a divorce can make things even more complicated. You must balance navigating life as a single woman while remaining an involved mother.
With so much to figure out, here are five key things single moms should understand as they navigate their divorce.
1. Divorce Is a Legal Matter First
Going through a divorce is a grieving process. You got married to be with your partner forever. While divorce isn’t a negative thing — it’s often the right decision — but it is the end of a journey.
Putting aside your complex emotions is hard, but remember that divorce is, first and foremost, a legal matter. Whether your separation was amicable, hostile or somewhere in between, you must consider preserving your assets.
How complicated your legal situation is depends on whether you and your ex had a prenuptial agreement. Either way, consulting with an experienced family law attorney is always a good idea. Do your research to find someone who is best suited for your situation. You can ask family and friends who experienced a similar situation or look at local websites to find someone on your side.
In your divorce, your lawyer can help you navigate spousal support, custody arrangements and what assets you get to keep.
2. You Should Seek Out a Support System
You’ll need support from friends and family to get through this time.
Divorce is an emotional journey and you need people with whom you can healthfully express those emotions. Your child needs you to be strong around them, but keeping things bottled up can damage your mental and physical health.
Consider speaking with a mental health professional as you navigate the process. A licensed therapist or psychiatrist can help you cope with the divorce.
Friends, family or a babysitter can watch your kids as you attend meetings and engage in self-care to stay at your best for your family.
Look at divorce support groups in your area or online where you can lean on others going through the process.
3. Child Custody Agreements Can Get Complicated
In many cases, you may share custody of your kids. If your relationship is not amicable, communicating through your lawyers may be the best option to navigate a schedule that is as fair as possible.
There are many things a judge will consider when deciding custody, including the following:
- Where do you and your ex live concerning your child’s school and extracurriculars.
- How old your child is, and if they reasonably have a preference.
- The location of any of their siblings and other family members.
- You and your ex’s physical and mental health.
- Both of your finances.
Regardless of how custody pans out, bad-mouthing the other parent in front of your child is never a good idea. Try to keep consistency between your two homes to show your kids that even though you’re no longer married to their other parent, you still put them first.
Co-parenting can be challenging, especially when the divorce is still fresh. However, civil communication goes a long way in your kids’ comfort and mental well-being.
4. You May Get Financial Support
Whether you were the primary breadwinner or a stay-at-home mom, your ex will likely provide child support. Anything you get should go directly to your child’s needs and expenses.
You may also get spousal support payments and later alimony. These can help supplement your income. To receive this support, you must request it from the court. Your lawyer will inform you about any paperwork and other specifics.
The level of financial support you get depends on how often you get custody and the income difference between you and your ex.
5. You Might Enjoy It
Divorce can be a traumatic experience, but you might find some things you enjoy as you get used to your new routine. Your life isn’t over. A new chapter is beginning.
There are advantages to being single. You have more freedom to decide about your home and how you spend your time.
There are no longer spousal spats about what to eat, watch or where to go. You are the primary decision-maker in your own space.
While you always want to have your kids, a joint custody agreement assures you that your children have experience with both of their parents.
Research shows that having a relationship with both of you could lead to better psychological outcomes for them. While the kids are away, you’ll have more time to dedicate to self-care, exploring old hobbies and discovering who you are as a newly single person.
A divorce results from an unhealthy relationship. You are free from that dynamic and can reconnect with who you are and what you value most. As you navigate through the changes divorce brings, grasp the small joys that can come with the journey.
Becoming a Single Mom Through Divorce
There are millions of single mothers in the United States and each has their own story, struggles and successes. Knowing these key things can help you make the most of this new journey.
