You don’t have to be religious to celebrate Easter, this we know. Why?
Because who doesn’t love roast and pastel egg-shaped plates? Who doesn’t love Rosé in a plastic champagne glass with a little paper rabbit haphazardly taped on? Nobody doesn’t love that. I don’t care who the heck you are. Easter is arguably one of the cutest holidays.
As such, it’s a sin in itself to not blow it way out of proportion with all the fixings: decorations, tableware, alcohol, friends, and family around the table and milling about in the living room drinking all of your booze out of plastic champagne glasses with paper bunnies on them. All at once, the world is at peace.
I’ve never thrown my own alcohol-fueled Easter Brunch before, but after seeing these cute rabbit things at the local World Market over the weekend, I’ve been fantasizing about it as a kid fantasizes about their dream wedding:
With adorable decorations in tow like the Easter Bunny with his (her?) basket of eggs, the next step, of course, is kicking your Easter roast’s butt– or, at least, starting to, because roasts take like 100 hours to cook.
Not to worry because there are tons of easy-to-make Easter brunch recipes you can get from Pinterest. Thank heavens for Pinterest, right?
In the meantime, however, brunches are meant to celebrate quiche, cute little sandwiches, casseroles, biscuits, desserts, and, of course, alcohol, like mimosas. How many mimosas, you ask? I don’t know, lots.
Actually, thanks to science, or whatever, there’s a formula designed specifically for knowing how much alcohol you need at any given event, like Easter brunch with your Mom Tribe.
The formula is: Guests * Hours = Servings. So, if your guest list is 10 people long, and you plan to brunch it up late into the early afternoon, say four hours, you can expect to need 40 servings of alcohol. (10 * 4 = 40.) Or, if you plan on going even harder, you can count each of your 10 guests as two guests, therefore meaning you’d have to provide 80 servings. I don’t make the rules. What other way is there to celebrate the cutest holiday other than getting totally smashed at 10 in the morning?
Check out these recipes for Easter brunch mimosas.
Next, comes decorating the eggs. You don’t have to settle on the dye kits from the supermarket, though, to stain your eggs. Naturally, Pinterest is a gift and inspires moms everywhere to constantly try and out-craft one another, therefore providing the rest of us with an endless supply of fun activities to do while buzzed around the kitchen table.
This, of course, is a perfect segway into table decorations, which I think might be my new favorite tag on Instagram, as well as the cause of my most recent heart palpitations:
Why is everything so cute? Maybe that glass of wine before I started writing wasn’t such a good idea after all because wine makes everything cute. Eggs, dinnerware, the least possibly adorable things on the planet, are bringing actual tears to my eyes.
So we’ve covered decorations, food, drinks, and eggs. What else could there possibly be? I don’t know. I can’t actually see anything through all of these tears.
All that’s left is this, I think:
- Steal the keys from any of your drunk friends, call them an Uber, or let them sleep it off on your couch. Heck, they could probably sober up before dinner and then drink some more, if you like them enough.
2. Eat the eggs. All of them, eat fistful after fistful of hardboiled eggs so they don’t go to waste. No, I’m just kidding, make deviled eggs or something– but seriously, don’t let them go to waste. All those proteins and healthy fats are waiting to enrich your body, enough probably for the entire year.
3. With a gentler touch than you give to your own children, bubble-wrap and store your adorable-as-hell easter decorations. They are your new children. You must protect them.
4. Smell the roast for the rest of the day as it taunts you, but don’t take it out until it’s ready. Resist. Resist.